I apologize to everyone for the tardiness of this post. We’ve been pretty busy lately and not a whole lot has taken place that has truly been note worthy. It’s still hotter than hell around here, and nothing makes me happier than showering in some tepid water – you can’t even really call it showering, it’s more like “pushing sweaty soap around your body and praying you don’t smell when you’re done” – and then walking back to my room (all of 300 yards) and breaking a sweat before I get to my door. I hear it’s supposed to start cooling off soon, and I can’t wait for that.
My schedule as of late has been a veritable nightmare. For four days in a row I would have to show progressively earlier and earlier, which completely messed up my sleep schedule. There were a number of nights where I would have to ride the “A train” (take an ambien) just to fall asleep. All in all it wasn’t too bad, just incredibly disorienting. Most days don’t pass without someone asking, “Anyone know what day it is?” So at least I know I’m not the only one whose schedule is completely jacked.
I’ve now been here over a month which according to one pilot is monumental because, “Now you can start counting weeks instead of days, and it’ll go by a lot quicker.” I have my doubts but I’ll give it a try. I’m coming to the realization now what all I’m going to miss and it’s an aggravating list: football season, deer season, dove season, spring turkey, my mom’s birthday (already missed this), my brother’s birthday, Thanksgiving, my dad’s birthday, Christmas, New years, and possibly all of duck and goose season. LAME! But, at least all of these things are annual occurrences so there will always be next year. Besides all of the events I’m missing (and the obvious people I miss), and in recognition of me making it a full month here, I present a couple of lists of things that I take for granted back in the states as well as some of the things I will have a hard time adjusting to when I get back:
Things that I miss:
· My quiet house
· My BED
· My own kitchen and cooking for myself, and not having to walk a mile to get to the food
· Carpet (seriously, all of you take it for granted. It’s WAY more awesome than you realize)
· Good coffee. Maybe it’s just the milk they use here (which may or may not be goat’s milk, I’m still investigating), but something just tastes off.
· My 4Runner and its sound system. Even though our crew vans have only 40K miles on them, they look like they’ve been driven in a desert demolition derby on a weekly basis. Seriously, these are some haggard and worn down vehicles, like someone every day empties about 8 Dust Busters straight into the AC unit just in case you didn’t did the full effect of sand and dust on the walk to the van.
· The color GREEN. Something else I took for granted. Everything here is brown, or tan. Or a tannish brown. Or a brownish tan. You get the point.
These are just the first things that come to mind, but you get the idea. Here’s a couple of things I certainly won’t miss:
· Sand. Yes, it does get everywhere.
· Mind crippling heat. At 128 degrees outside, I was pretty sure the blood in my brain was boiling and melting my frontal lobe.
· Getting chiefed all the time for the littlest things: i.e. reflective belts, mustache being too mustachy, shirt not tucked in, socks too long or not long enough, flight suit not zipped up enough, and God have MERCY ON YOUR SOUL if you put your sunglasses on your head.
· Not having to wear PTs all the time, or the confounded reflective belt
· Not having to walk across a gravel pit to shower/go to the bathroom, or being terrified of contracting some disease in the facilities
· Not having to walk across gravel PERIOD (seriously, half of this country is gravel, the other half is sand)
· Not having to play Army Parking Chicken. This game is played by army assholes who like to walk in front of me while parking. I’m pretty sure they say to each other, “Let’s see how slowly I can walk in front of this Captain trying to park his van without him freaking out and getting out and screaming at me.” Jokes on them, I just floor it now and let our POS vans groan and creek right past their digicammed bodies as they dive out of the way. Let’s just say “Aggressive Parking Procedures” is a new term in my lexicon, and definitely a technique now being employed. Watch out for me when I get back.
· Pagers. Yes I have a pager here, every Mission Commander gets issued one in case they have to get a hold of you. I laughed out loud when they gave it to me and the obligatory questions followed: “Is this building pager friendly? Do you have a pay phone bank around here?” The comm guys didn’t find this as funny as me.
· Controlled detonations. ‘Nuff said.
And finally, here’s a couple of things I can already tell I’m gonna have a hard time adjusting to:
· Not carrying a gun everywhere. I honestly thought it would be a drag at first, but now it’s just something normal, and preferable. I’m sure there’s gonna be a couple of days when I get home where I’m rummaging through my house sure that I’m forgetting something just to turn out I’m not wearing a holster and a pager. Although I bet students would listen A LOT more if I was carrying a gun around. Maybe I’ll just wear the empty holster as the definitive idle threat to students: “If you mess this up, and if I were to be carrying a gun, this conversation would sound much different!”
· Not getting to wear my boonie cap. My boonie cap is a chief magnet because the edges are rolled up like a cowboy hat. Seriously, it’s catnip for them, but it’s worth it! If it looks like a cowboy hat, feels like a cowboy hat, maybe it SHOULD be a cowboy hat. I will miss it dearly.
· Having to do my own laundry. Here they have an Iraqi run laundry service which has a two day turn around, and they do a damn good job. Although I have discovered lately that sock loss is an international conspiracy, because even they lose one of my socks every now and then. They aren’t stealing them; what would they do with just ONE Nike sock? At least at home the sock triage will be my fault and not on the shoulders’ of the Iraqi Sock Monster.
· Having to file a flight plan – how do we fill those out again?
· Teaching ground ops to students…this is going to particularly suck hard. There will be much wailing and gnashing of the teeth coming from me.
· Not having immediate access 24/7 to caffeine products. It’s INSANE how much caffeine is available over here. I came over here with a slight caffeine dependency, and I can already tell I’m going to leave here with a crippling addiction. I’m talking drink-caffeine-until-my-eyes-vibrate-and-I-have-moderate-night-vision addiction. Coming back should be lots of fun; mind crushing headaches are in the forecast upon my return. Someone should get that show Intervention to show up, because I’m gonna be jonesin’ like a crackhead.
I had been thinking about these lists for a while, and they are obviously not all-encompassing, but a good glimpse of the things that I look forward to when I get back. I hope y’all enjoy, and look forward to hearing back from y’all. Take care!
-Wellen
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